So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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