A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
