why didn't you poke me back
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
