i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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