why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
