9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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