you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
