Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
