I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
