Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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