He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
