That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
