i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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