He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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