Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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