they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
