hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
