Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
