no, he came in my armpit
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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