I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
