fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
