just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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