Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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