It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
