Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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