Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I came so hard my ears popped.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
