new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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