I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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