I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
