What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize