Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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