I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
