a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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