I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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