and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
