smell my finger.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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