I cut my penus on the lid.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
