If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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