i barfeds in our rink
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you had me at cake vodka
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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