just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
