porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm too high and old for this...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
