he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
