so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
