I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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