Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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