I molested 6 butterflies tonight
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
