How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
false alarm, still single
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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