In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
