It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
