it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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