I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
