I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
