Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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