I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
