make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
