Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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