I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
