yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
