Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
