i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize