How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
