question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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