I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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