So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize