why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
