you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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