i permit you to call me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
