wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
