I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
