Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
