If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
