can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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