my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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