I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
