NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
