If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
