look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
