how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
