those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
