oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
