It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
