Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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