is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
